4 Ways the Church Can Care for the Suffering
At 35 years old, with three young children, I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. Over the next year, I underwent an intense treatment plan involving chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation. People often ask me how I got through the year, especially with three young children at home. My answer is always the same: by the grace of God, the support of my family, and the love of my church family. After my diagnosis, a sister in Christ and a former member of our church told me, “There’s no church I’d rather be in after receiving a cancer diagnosis than your church.” What a testimony! I whole-heartedly agree that my church was exemplary in walking through suffering with me.
Though we may not all face a cancer journey, we will all face suffering. Suffering is not an option in the Christian life—it is a guarantee. James 1:2 says, “when you meet trials” not “if you meet trials.” Ever member of your church will face various trials and they will need help from the church body to navigate those trials. It is important to create a culture of care in your church and to find ways to effectively serve your suffering brothers and sisters. This is not an exhaustive list, but here are four ways to help those in your church who are suffering:
1. ACKNOWLEDGE THE SUFFERING
Many people hesitate to acknowledge suffering because they are unsure of what to say or of saying the wrong thing. It can feel isolating to walk through something painful and difficult and feel like no one wants to talk to you about it. Most people enduring a trial do want to talk about it. Be willing to accept the potential awkwardness and ask the person how they are doing, ask specific ways you can be praying for them, etc. Acknowledge their suffering and listen well. It will help them to feel less isolated and more understood and loved.
2. EMPATHIZE AND EXHORT
A common misconception is that true empathy demands that you just listen to the sufferer or that you only respond with lament and sorrow. The Bible certainly calls us to weep with those who weep. But Scripture also calls us to a deeper form of empathy—one that acknowledges suffering while also pointing to God’s truth. There are numerous lament Psalms in Scripture (such as Psalm 42 or Psalm 74) that model how to lament over suffering in a God-honoring way. In lament Psalms, the Psalmist is open with God about his sorrow and then the Psalmist always moves to praise. Godly lament involves the honest processing of our griefs and sorrows in God’s presence with an eye towards God’s redemptive purposes and providence.
True comfort does not dismiss pain, but it must ultimately direct the sufferer to the ultimate source of comfort: God himself.
The sufferer needs you to not only lament with them, but to remind them of God’s goodness and His character. As 2 Corinthians 1 says, we worship the God of all comfort who comforts us in our afflictions so that we may comfort others. True comfort does not dismiss pain, but it must ultimately direct the sufferer to the ultimate source of comfort: God himself.
3. ESTABLISH A CARE TEAM
When you are in a trial, the sheer volume of people reaching out to offer help can be overwhelming. When you are in pain, it’s difficult to be clear-headed enough to respond to all the texts and calls. In addition, there may be those in your church who want to help but don’t have a close relationship with the sufferer and it can be exhausting to try to navigate a new relationship. My church established a care team with a designated point person to navigate all those needs. The point person communicated directly with me and then they took on the administrative load of coordinating communication, scheduling meals, and managing other forms of support.
In addition, especially for crisis situations that may be ongoing, having a team helps those who are serving not to burn out or take on too large of a load. One sister who I didn’t know well said that she wanted to serve me by serving those who were closest to me. She offered to watch my best friend’s children so that my friend and I could have undistracted time to pray and fellowship together. What a creative and helpful way to serve another sister in Christ!
4. PRACTICAL ACTS OF SERVICE
Galatians 6:2 tells us to bear one another’s burdens, and Romans 12 instructs us to love one another and to contribute to the needs of the saints. The church is one body in Christ, and each member is “individually members one of another” (Romans 12:5). There are many ways the church can comfort and serve those who are suffering. Reflecting on my own experience, here are a few of the practical ways the church served me and my family during my cancer treatment:
Bringing us meals and providing frozen meals
Giving us gift cards to our favorite restaurants
Cleaning our house once a month
Taking our kids to do something fun for the day
Sending encouraging notes and Scripture
Doing our laundry and returning it folded and ready to be put away
Praying over me Sunday after church before each chemo infusion
Providing a vacation home for our family and friends to go to and relax and have fun
Be creative in the ways you serve, depending on the needs of the one you are serving. Additionally, offer specific ways you want to serve (for example, “Can I watch your children for you on Tuesday?” instead of “please let me know if I can do anything!”). It’s very unlikely the sufferer will respond to a blanket offer to help with a request because they don’t know if you really mean it, or they may feel uncomfortable asking for help. It is far more helpful when someone takes the initiative to suggest a specific way they want to serve.
I learned a great deal by watching the ways my brothers and sisters served me and my family during my cancer treatment. I hope to emulate many of the ways they helped me in the lives of others. The love and support of my church played a crucial role in my journey through cancer treatment. It strengthened me when I was weak and helped me persevere when I was fainthearted. My brothers and sisters truly bore my burdens when I wasn’t strong enough to bear them. It was a powerful testimony to me and to my family of the love of Christ. May our churches strive to faithfully love and serve our hurting members for the glory of Christ.
